This is Asomdwekromanian politics, where the drama is as rich as a pot of jollof rice on a hot Sunday afternoon! Enter Alan Kyerematen, a man whose emotional gymnastics rival those of a comedian, now accuses former President John Agyekum Kufuor of “betrayal”. But let’s be honest: Kufuor endorsing Dr. Mahamudu Bawumia over him isn’t a personal vendetta; it is just the political winds blowing against Alan’s butterfly wings, which aren’t exactly aerodynamic.
In 2007, Alan, affectionately known as “Afrafranto” (the butterfly), strutted onto the political stage with charm and a smile that could light up a room. He thought he was destined to inherit the Osono throne. However, the party’s big guns, especially Nana Addo Dee, weren’t exactly rolling out the red carpet. As they say in Asomdwekrom, “The goat that is meant for the slaughter does not hear the noise of the knife.” Alan was clearly not meant to be the Elephant’s chosen one.
After his first defeat, Alan resigned but was brought back into the fold few weeks later. Like a butterfly flitting from one flower to another, he kept chasing the sweet nectar of political power. In 2010, he tried again, believing his business savvy would charm the delegates. Unfortunately for him Addo Dee won again! Alan was left in the political cold, still flapping about like a chicken trying to fly.
Then came Alan’s big move when he lost the first round flagbearership election to Dr. Bawumia in 2023. He decided to leave the Elephant family and venture into uncharted waters. His supporters hailed it as the birth of a new party. Honestly, it was as painful and puzzling as watching someone trying to open a jar of cookies with their teeth.
Alan’s exit from the Elephant family was like a butterfly caught in a spider’s web flapping helplessly while realising it had made a terrible mistake. No new party emerged from his grand plan; instead, it became clear that Asomdwekromanians were more loyal to their traditional parties than to Alan’s fluttering ambitions.
But Alan refused to see that his political breakaway was flawed. As they say in Anagoland, “The man who uses a cutlass to chase an antelope will find himself chasing shadows.” His political blunders were so pronounced they could easily be mistaken for a comedy sketch.
As time passed, Alan’s departure from the Osono family began to resemble classic buyer’s remorse. Regret? Of course! It became increasingly evident that he wanted back in just like that ex-lover who leaves only to send years of vague “I miss you” texts. But alas! The ship had sailed; Alan was left waving wistfully from the dock as the Elephant flourished under President Nana Dee and Dr Bawumia.
Fast forward to November 2024: Alan sits at home with his cup of tea when he sees the headline: “Kufuor Endorses Bawumia for 2024 Presidential Bid.” The tea splashes onto the table as Alan gasps in disbelief. “Is this real?” he exclaims. “Kufuor has chosen Bawumia over me?”
“Wait, what?” he shouts, sounding like a man who just realised his favorite football team lost after leading 3-0 at halftime. “Does Kufuor know who I am? The same man I campaigned for? The one who called me his ‘son’?” In his mind, Kufuor endorsing Bawumia is akin to breaking some sacred bond.
Let’s set the record straight: Kufuor endorsing Bawumia isn’t betrayal; it is basic political sense. Kufuor is no novice; he knows Bawumia represents the future of the Elephant. The fresh face ready to connect with Asomdwekrom’s evolving electorate. Meanwhile, Alan is still flapping about nostalgically reminiscing about when his business suits and charm would win him votes. Sorry, Alan! In politics, nostalgic sentiments don’t count when you can’t find your base!
So here we are with Alan, looking like someone who regrets every choice made but is too proud to admit it. Kufuor’s endorsement is just another reminder that “the horse that left the stable long ago” isn’t coming back for him. Now playing the role of the disgruntled ex-lover, he questions why things didn’t go his way: “Was I not loyal? Did I not give my all?” But let’s be real: The political horse Alan once rode has galloped far into the sunset while he reflects on his wrong political choices. Meanwhile, Kufuor and Bawumia are busy riding that horse into the 2024 election.
Alan Kyerematen’s political journey is nothing short of legendary, mostly because it feels like an absurd sitcom. From his dramatic exit from the Elephant family to his current tantrums over Kufuor’s endorsement, Alan’s career resembles a comedic masterpiece filled with ambition and regret. As they say in Asomdwekromanian parlance, “A bird does not change its feathers because of the weather.” Unfortunately for Alan, refusing to adapt has left him flapping helplessly while others soar above him.
The world of politics is ruthless for those who refuse to accept change. Alan’s legacy will likely be remembered as a cautionary tale about overestimating one’s political importance while underestimating loyalty’s value. His once-fluttering wings are now just distant memories as real players continue to soar higher.
So here is the moral of this politically charged fable: If you leave your stable, don’t be surprised when your horse trots off without you!
See you next week for another interesting konkonsa, Deo volente!