If I Were A Member Of Parliament!

Parliament

“If someone puts their hands on you, make sure they never put their hands on anybody else again” – Malcolm X.

I had a beautiful dream two nights ago. I describe it as beautiful because Yours truly eventually became the star of the dream. The dream has kept me wondering whether to resuscitate my dead ambition of becoming a Member of Parliament (MP), so I could also respond to the “honourable” title.

Yes, you heard right! I used to have the ambition of becoming an MP; but no more. It would be an understatement to say I was in a comfortable lead in the race to become the Great Elephant’s candidate in the Trobu-Amasaman Constituency in 2008. I was the favourite of the masses until a family tragedy compelled me not to file for the primaries.

The rest, they say, is history because we all know Hon. Moses Anim, MP for Trobu, won the primaries but subsequently lost the Trobu-Amasaman Constituency seat to the then Zu-za candidate. Moses eventually won the Trobu seat when the constituency was split into Amasaman and Trobu respectively.

Having given a brief history about my dead parliamentary ambition, I believe I can now tell you about my dream. I saw myself in the main chamber of Parliament with other colleague MPs being sworn into office by Mr Speaker. I was clad in a beautiful white “agbada” with beautiful embroidery to match.

Apparently, I had been elected on the ticket of Asomdwekrom Nokofio Party (ANP). I was, thus, elated as my party supporters cheered and chanted “nokofio, nokofio”. I was hale and hearty as I responded with two fingers pointing upwards, implying I was second on the ballot paper.

After the swearing-in ceremony, the beautiful and sweet ambiance suddenly turned into a bitter one as there was a fierce debate over a supposed indiscretion by Mr Speaker. Before one could blink an eye, two members from opposing sides were seen engaged in fisticuffs. Soon it degenerated into a free-for-all fight.

You needed to see my karate skills in action. Within two minutes, Yours truly had managed to send close to twenty MPs from the other side crushing to the ground. Each kick was so hard that the victims lost consciousness on kissing the ground.

By the time normalcy was restored, Yours truly had virtually dealt with most members of the opposite side. I became the cynosure of all eyes as MPs on my side congratulated me for dealing ruthlessly with the “sharp-teethed babies”. I was basking in the glory when my lovely wife woke me from the sweet dream, so I could prepare for the Fajr (Dawn) prayer.

As I said at the beginning, the dream had kept me wondering whether to resuscitate that dead ambition of becoming an MP. Indeed, the story would be different were I an MP during the chaos in Parliament over the “Ayari-bribe” report last Thursday. The “babies with sharp teeth” wouldn’t have left the chamber with their teeth intact. My strong karate legs would have made sure that they left the chamber with broken jaws or extracted teeth or both.

Wait a second, Abusuapanin! Please do not think that your nephew is a violent person. I believe in peaceful resolution of issues; but I also believe that one sometimes needs to use violence in order to uproot the seeds of chaos. After all, has it not been said that, “Violence begets violence?” Ask Hon Mark Woyongo, if you doubt me!

Truth be said, the Ayari-bribe saga is very nauseating. The allegation defies common sense. You claimed to have received money, but not told at the time that it was “a bribe” from Boakye Agyarko. You returned the money when you heard rumours that the said money had come from Agyarko. The man who allegedly gave you the bribe has denied ever doing so. You appeared before a Parliamentary Committee and provided no proof aside your unsubstantiated allegation. You are subsequently found guilty for putting the name of Parliament into disrepute and all you can do is engage “patapaa”.

How can you claim to have a case when you don’t have any evidence to back your claim? If unsubstantiated claims could qualify as truth, then one could imagine the level of chaos in the society. Even with evidence, did Ayariga not deny engaging in any wrong-doing in the tractor saga and Atlas debacle?

It is during such times that I hate democracy and the so-called rule of law. Ayariga and those making allegations without proof deserve to be lashed publicly. Alas, we live in a country where so-called human rights activists would swallow me for daring to suggest such a “barbaric” method of punishment.

So I ask; what is democratic about making unsubstantiated allegations and tarnishing other people’s reputation? If only I were an MP in these chaotic times in Parliament. How my karate skills would come in handy!

See you next week for another interesting konkonsa, Deo volente!

 

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