Hernia Prevention Month

A man with hernia


YOU KNOW very well that you have hernia. You attend a business programme and see people crossing their legs in corporate style and you too decided to do same knowing very well that per your condition, there can be a balloon dor!

You go ahead! No one would force you to sit down well at this point. Don’t be copying what people do la. For some of us, no matter what you do to us, we cannot sit down and cross our legs with or without hernia.

It is the reason I hate this thing about pharmacy or chemical shop attendants when you go there to buy medicine, either prescribed or over the counter, and they tell you: “Oh this brand you want, we don’t have but we have another one that does the same thing and is very effective.”

It just puts me off and often the substitute brand is not as effective as the attendants or MCAs would claim. I think they should be professional by telling customers that: “Oh we don’t have this type but try from another shop and if you don’t get it there, you can contact your doctor to prescribe an alternative brand for you.” If you don’t have, you don’t have; medications are not like ‘let-me-try-and-see’.

My first visit to a breast cancer patient was when a colleague requested that I accompany her to visit her auntie who underwent surgery at Korle Bu. I couldn’t enter the ward and so waited for my friend to go and come. On her way back, she was in tears! Her auntie couldn’t make it! Breast cancer is a big deal and all men must come together to help!

So, upon all the business and financial information in this serious medium, all you are interested in is this unnecessary good-for-nothing column? Your wife will insult you through your daughter p333. If you like, stop reading this and see, but woe unto you if you should read it. Please forgive me oo, ‘s3bi s3bi, I am one of ‘my people’. Haaaa! I just love my people and their eyi…Ho airport is still the busiest airport in the world. People are flying every second but you can’t see them with your physical eyes. From Ho to Kotoka: Departure time: 9am. Arrival time: 9:01 am! Alla! My people dey form o…hahahahahaa!

Abeg, don’t take anything you read here seriously o; it is just for the fun of it, Yawa!

Moon die as last week Friday was September 30 and salaries have been paid and I have my own payroll for some gals. They are the only ones who receive salaries for doing nothing for me. I don’t even know what I get from them before they still receive salary from me but it is important to help people in need especially, those who pretend to be in need, anaa?

By the end of this month, all the noise about breasts, breasts, breasts will come to an end! You pass here they say feel, touch, squeeze and suck…gently and men have been tasked with such responsibility and we have graciously accepted it and even doing ‘overtime’. Yaovi, my cousin di33333…oohh d3bida! When he got drunk 2 weeks ago, he just jumped on the wife singing “doctor says let me do it for you to prevent it.”

“Do what for me to prevent what?” The wife would ask. He has been doing the thing as if he’s chewing boflot. If the thing is supposed to be that tender to reduce chances of getting breast cancer, why all these advice to suck; and some men do it quite gidigidi!

Newborn babies are now our competitors in the month of October. I told my wife I would do last one on Sunday and wait till October 2023. Why not make it every Friday of the week before October 2023? We have to wait till one whole year before the noise starts again? Or breast cancer happens only in October?

Sometimes I wonder what we men get from it o; there is really no taste apart from the feeling of yiiiiii with the potential to lead one to enter the net and to sin (where applicable). Maybe the breast cancer preventive component is a good reason otherwise…??? Ironically some of the ‘other ones’ feel they are doing me a favour. They don’t know I am rather becoming their breast doctor!

Effective November 1, wifee says she will suspend me from ‘preventing any breast cancer’ and that I don’t even do it well and that I’ve been doing it basa basa basa. I said no problem. I will by all means get some from my ‘vendors’ p3333! If you refuse to ‘cook’ at home, e no bi ‘outside food’ I go chop? My only problem was with one left breast I had to dodge after I had observed that some hard lump was in it and subsequently, I had to be dodging that particular left breast. But the lady was understanding and saw it as a symptom and went for early check-up. Later, after doctors had attended to her, that particular left breast became bordorrrr and ‘not a bad idea! Breast will kill us, men.

If men are to help women prevent breast cancer, we don’t have a problem okay. But what can women also do to prevent hernia in men? I rest my case. The conclusion you have drawn is enough. Remain there, Ampesi. Hahahahaha!

For some time now, every Friday after work, I tell my wife I am going for All Night. It has become monotonous and she is becoming suspicious. I want to change my strategy. Or should I tell her I am going for a board meeting Tuesday night though I am not a board member anywhere, or I should ‘fall sick’ by force? Or I should travel outside Accra for an artificial end-of-year retreat? Please give me ideas la ah!

Why is it that when some wives want to insult their husbands, they do so through their children? We call it ‘insult by proxy’.

Last Sunday, I heard Mantse Kumah’s wife yelling at the daughter who had just woken up from sleep. “Korshiwa, you are lazy, you are a drunkard, always chasing girls who will only chop your money.” Korshiwa, a girl oo, getting drunk and chasing girls?

Imagine the indirect free kick! Hmmmm! Mantse Kumah was only somewhere dancing to Lucky Dube’s ‘It’s not easy’ in great frenzy.

His wife, Korshiwa’s mother, continued “When you, Korshiwa return from work, all you do is to throw your useless boxer shorts on the floor for me to come and pick. From now onwards, I won’t do that nasty job again. Am I a slave to you, Korshiwa? Korshiwa, I say am I a slave to you? You lost your last job because of drunkenness and inefficiency in ‘preventing breast cancer’. Korshiwa, you will kill me one day. If you continue drinking and you lose this job too, I will pack my things and leave you though I don’t know where I am going. Korshiwa, be careful oo.”

“This marriage to you Korshiwa is just a waste of my precious time. It took you 8 years to pass your O’ Level Maths yet you won’t learn sense.” Trust me, Mantse Kumah, the husband has decided to ignore all of these as he is becoming wiser and more accommodating. That’s the way to go, or?

At this point, she calls Korshiwa to send her on an errand. She  discontinued with the insult till Korshiwa returned and she resumed. So, you Mr. Reader, what do you want to hear again? Are you Korshiwa? Haaaaaaaaahahaaaa!

Remember happiness is not a destination. It is a journey! On this happy ending note, can we also consider dedicating a month for men and call it ‘Hernia Prevention Month?’

Our wives should get ready to help us also to prevent hernia. As for me, I wouldn’t mind how they would do it!


BY Mawuli Zogbenu